Helping Teenagers Find Solutions

One of the pieces of counseling teenagers is problem solving. Teenagers struggle with many life problems from handling peer conflict to coping with a mentally ill parent. If adults rush to fix the issue, not only do we rob the teenager of the opportunity to find their own answer, we can lose their investment in the solution process.  A good counselor’s goal is to work their way out of a job by teaching clients skills. Counselors teach teenagers how to find solutions to their problems on their own. 

One tool used is the decision making tree (coming from the DBT model of counseling). In this form of counseling, all problems have four possible solutions:

1.)    Fix it-- What can be done to make this issue better?  How can the outcome be influenced? This may include consulting with trusted people, utilizing assertive communication, and making necessary changes to behavior. For example, a client is struggling with fatigue. Improving sleep hygiene, utilizing calming strategies, and even working with a doctor or sleep clinic are all attempts to "fix" the situation. 

2.)    Change how you feel about it--changing our feelings can be tricky but effective. For example, a client gets upset whenever they are yelled at by a parent resulting in worthlessness, depression, and self harm. Changing feelings may include retraining thoughts to put the responsibility of yelling back on the parent rather than self blaming. The client can also practice skills to lower interpersonal reactivity. 

3.)    Radically accept-- Have you ever gone to an unavoidable lecture with lowered expectations only to be pleasantly surprised afterward  it didn't bother you as much as you expected? Accepting a situation fully, minimizes distress. If clients are able to radically accept a difficult life circumstance, they get through it much easier. Trying to change what we have no control over leads to increased frustration, anxiety, and depression 

4.)    Stay miserable-- While this may not seem like an option, many times clients can choose to stay miserable. Often times clients aren't motivated enough to use one of the previous three solutions. There is something to be said for comfortable misery and it is a choice to stay there. 

Helping teenagers utilize these tools empowers them to sort out their own problems. Practice these skills in your own life as a role model and you empower their futures. These skills are not innate but need to be taught and practiced regularly.