Does Your Teenager Need Counseling?

One of the lines in a recent movie I saw compared lawyers to counselors (and it was not in a positive light). "They just want your money -- they keep you coming back again and again." While there may be some truth in the statement for some counselors, most do really care about people first. When you are concerned about your teenager it can be more confusing. How do you know if your teenager would benefit from seeing a counselor? Would a few visits fix the issue? How long will the counseling take? How do you know if counseling is working? Here are questions to gauge your teens needs-- you be the judge:

Self-esteem

1.) How does your teenager like themselves? Are they confident? Teenage girls often tell me part of the reason they self-harm is because they don't care about themselves An identity attached to inappropriate or negatives behaviors is a problem to address as quickly as possible. Notice if your teen takes care of their own needs. Hygiene, eating, exercise, and sleeping can be indicators of how they rate themselves. Extremes on either end can point to a deeper self-hatred. Counselors can help identify the source of the hatred and teach your teenager to accept themselves. 

School/Work

2.) How is their school/work going? Are they passing their classes? Are they participating? Are they able to complete the work? Anxiety, trauma, ADHD, depression show up at school and interfere with focus. Sometimes their feelings are so intense they are unable to be successful at school without extra help. Many therapists work with teenagers on attention strategies or ways to lower moods interfering with schoolwork. 

3.) Relationships

What are their relationships like? Conflictual, messy, exclusive, enmeshed? How intense are the family arguments? Have they ever gotten physical? Do they let everyone walk all over them or the opposite, fight with everyone? Maybe your teenager doesn't really have friends, or know how to make friends. Do they handle their technology responsibly (i.e. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, text)?  Counselors can work with your teenager to help them grow their ability to communicate and develop appropriate levels of trust. 

For each of the domains above, family involvement can expedite counseling. Duration of counseling is based on several factors 

1. How long has this been an issue? It could potentially take just as long to practice new behaviors. Anything earlier is a bonus. 
2. Is it a good fit with the counselor? Does your teenager like their therapist? If he/she does not, don't waste the time or money.
3. How intense/severe is the issue? The more intense, the longer it may take to address. Counselors and clients start as strangers. 

If you feel like your teenager's therapist is keeping them engaged far longer than is necessary, talk with your teen and the counselor. Often times, weaning sessions is much safer than going cold turkey. Remember improvement may not yet have the roots to stabilize the progress. While teenagers may continue to need check-ins with their counselors, the goal of a good counselor is work themselves out of a job (not keep them coming back indefinitely).