As long as I have been in the field of mental health, I have
observed a significant increase in new clients starting around Halloween and
lasting through Valentine's Day. While there are multiple factors contributing
to this phenomena (e.g. more rain and clouds, school), a significant source of
distress seems to be the holidays. Teenagers can feel this most keenly as they
have little power over their circumstances and are old enough to know what
expectations the holidays bring. Two huge contributors to holiday gloom are finances and loss.
Finances—Many teenagers are intensely aware of the family's financial situation. If it is hard for caregivers to make ends meet during the
year, this is amply magnified during the holidays. They may know they will have
food but dread hearing about all the electronic and expensive gifts their peers
receive. They may sit quietly in shame, or lie about the reality of the
holidays to avoid pity. Often, they won’t share this feeling with anyone
because they don’t want their caregivers to feel worse about tight finances
than they already do. While it can be character building to recognize the greed of "keeping up with the Joneses", teenagers who get next to nothing during the holidays may feel unimportant or even unloved.
What can help: Encourage teenagers to pick up holiday jobs,
babysitting, yard work to earn some extra money. It empowers them and increases
self-esteem. Encourage volunteer work in local homeless shelters. Seeing those
who struggle to have a roof , puts our own wants into perspective. Be a
listening ear to financial struggles. Find
an organization who can sponsor families with limited income (i.e. your local
church, Salvation Army). What other ways have you found to help encourage teenagers when
finances are tight at home?
Loss— Loss comes in many forms. For children with divorced
parents or foster/adopted children, the holidays result in missing a
parent and/or family traditions. For families who have had a loved one die, the
holidays highlight that pain deeply. Even for the lonely or isolated teenager, never
it is more felt than the time of year we gather together to celebrate the holidays.
What can help: One of
the best ways to help a teenager struggling with loss is asking “What would
make it feel like ___________ (holiday of your choice) for you?” Even the
opportunity of expressing their desires helps them process the loss. Encourage
the teenagers to set aside some time during the holiday to honor their loss
through writing a letter to the one they miss, looking at photos, listening to
music, or even creating a “loss box” where they can put in something to
represent the loss and review it at their leisure. By setting aside time to
honor the loss, it helps the teenager regulate their grief; it help to move
on with the day rather than trying to push aside thoughts or focusing on the loss all day. Mourning
is different for everyone. Allow people to choose how they want to honor their
losses. For a lonely or isolated teen, invite them to join in on a holiday
activity. Giving a teenager a place to belong is a priceless gift. Regardless of the type of loss, be available to talk to and make sure they know they are important to
you. What other ways have you found to support teens experiences loss during the holidays?
